apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
