jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize
