even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
