You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
