just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
My ass is underappreciated
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
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