Plan B is the new Plan A
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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