This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
