I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Randomize
