if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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