I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
