I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
