i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
The convent might be a nice break from real life
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
My feet surprised me
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
