Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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