the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
