He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
