Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
