My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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