So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
