I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
