yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
