Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
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