So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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