I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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