accomplished twins. life is a go
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
