You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
