it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
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