Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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