I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
