hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
