You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
