You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
