I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
