If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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