I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
