Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
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