I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
