so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Need sex. Gaining weight.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
