Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
