Fuck appropriateness.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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