he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
