I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
