I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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