just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Can I color on your dick again?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
