I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
