Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Randomize
