i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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