You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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