Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Randomize
