Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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