I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Randomize
