maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
