that's what penises do
they tell lies.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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