i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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