none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
